Stupid shy kid

You're not just my friend; you're my hero, too,
this must be why I'm afraid to tell you the truth.
and as i write in this empty night,
sorrow and self-hate fill my heart and mind.
so many times i watch you as you try to go back,
for again he's set out the cheese and catches you in his trap
and he gives you sweet things, he acts so loving and rich,
but those sweets are always arsenic.
i know it's no different from all before times
when he poisoned your soul and made you cry.
he's slowly taken control, convinced you that he's everything
all the while stabbing you, continuing his stupid game.
yet hating myself, I'll shut my eyes tight
as the trap takes it's toll, stealing your life.
and I'll hate myself, and all of my ways.
I'd rather have you mad at me than watch your heart again break.
but I'll put my head down, and seal my mouth,
as i ask myself, "why?" and, "how?"
it was you who led me through my darkest time,
but i can't do the same for you? i can only rhyme?
so ashamed, I'll end by stating what i wish to rid,
the biggest part of me... this stupid shy kid.