The Baptisim

This was much better there weren't as many mistakes and the flow was pretty well done. I'd maybe change a few lines around for the simple fact that they sound out of place with the rest of the poem. For example the word strife is just absolutely rediculous haha there has to be another word to replace it. The title of the poem is pretty lame I think you could atract more readers by making the title stand out and grab readers. First stanza I felt you used the word "and" and the beginning of your lines a little to much. Also I couldn't really figure out what rhyme scheme you were trying to use no matter how many times I read it. This was good but not great 4/5 good work

Wow i love this, im getting baptised myself in the next couple of months

Wow another outstanding short and beautiful poem from you. I can really figure out what your thoughts and feelings are in the light of this piece and you did a great great job :)

Tc
Fsams

Aww I really liked this poem.. i'v never read a poem such as this one, and it was beautifully penned i loved the lines
'Our heads are submerged in Holy water
As our souls we submit to our Heavenly Father
Baptized in the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
We are made pure in his eyes'
they were so touching and heartlfelt. The flow was really good too
5/5
xXx