A day out of my life

This morning I woke up and took a piss,
I knew there was something that I'd missed.
I realised I forgot to get out before taking that leak,
Now my bed is wet and I'm feeling weak.
After I took a shower,
I had a morning wood for more than an hour!!!.

And the first person I saw, I called him a jerk,
That was my boss, and now I'm out of work.
So I went over to my brother for a coffee,
Well that's what he calls it, I call it pee.
Then my little cousin comes in and he has the guts,
To take a baseball and throw it in my nuts.

I hit the floor and start to shout,
Not long and then I pass out.
When I wake up my voice is much higher,
And then I see my sister-in-law, I wanna fry her.
I go out and get in my car,
But that piece of crap doesn't get me very far.

I write a letter to my mom, but I know,
She doesn't read that fast, so I write it slow.
I go to a restaurant and order some Chinese and tea,
And when I want to eat, the food blinks at me.
The guy says; see, that fish was caught today,
And as he says that, the fish gets up and walks away.

This is one of those days I should have stayed in bed,
But I can't, because it probably still is wet.
I try to get a ticket for a holiday,
Only place available is Iraq, this isn't my day.
I go to a bar, ask a lady to dance and I try the best I can,
Until I feel something, shit, I am dancing with a man.

I go to some old folks to annoy them a bit,
Just for fun, but they don't understand sh*t.
Some people laugh and I have my 5 minutes of fame,
Until I get knocked down by some old blind chick with a cane.
After that I went to the loo to take a pee,
It burns like hell; I wonder who gave this "present" to me.
Maybe that night when I met this woman named Venus,
I felt between her legs and there was a ...(starts with p and rhymes with Venus)

So I go home and watch some TV,
But the people on it all seem to laugh at me.
Well, I feel like I could use a smile,
So I look at the mirror for a while.
I start to feel strange and uncertain,
Especially after I wiped my butt with my shower curtain.
Then I get totally drunk and pass away,
Yeah, this is pretty much a regular day.