Sometimes

Sometimes, you don't really know what to do with yourself.
You'd rather sit alone in your room then be with the people you love.
Sometimes you'd rather cry then smile, because it drains you out.
And maybe, just maybe, it'll help you fall asleep this time.
So that, maybe, you won't have to think about him anymore.
You may dream about him, but that's okay, because...
Maybe... you won't remember in the morning.
Sometimes you don't want to get out of bed.
Because you feel as though you would rather lay down and think about him and you.
Wondering if there's still an "us."
And when you realize that you don't have a clue what's right and what's wrong.
You'd rather just cry.
Because you don't want to think about him, but you can't help yourself.
You wonder why things had to turn out this way.
You wonder why you feel so alone.
And still...
Still, all the questions are unanswered.
And then you feel like they will never be answered again.
You feel like you have no idea what's going on, but it would just be better if he were there.
He would be able to take it all away.
Right?
He would be able to, wouldn't he?
No.
But still, you wish he was there.
Even though he wouldn't be able to take all that aching away, you wish he was there.
And when he doesn't show up at your front door after all the wishing.
You realize that he wasn't your Prince Charming.
He wasn't your fairy tale.
He wasn't your dream come true.
But still...
You love him.
With everything that you have left.
With all the tears and all the smiles, all the pain and all the happiness in your life, you still love him.
You wish that you didn't.
You wish you hated him so much.
But when you hate him,
You miss him even more.
And sometimes, you just wish that it would all go away.
That maybe he wants to hate you too, maybe he misses you just as much.
What if he does?
Does he?
No.
It was all, just one huge lie.
One dream that didn't come true.
One fairy tale that didn't have a happy ending.
One prince charming that didn't show up.
It was...
One lie.
That maybe, maybe, broke your world.
But still, you're willing to let it break your world even more.
Because you miss him.
You love him.
You always will.
But...
It's over.
Finally, it's over....

By: Heidi B
July 22, 2007.

- my diary,
what i've been feeling lately.