A distant glare,
A smile less grin,
Grey cheeks and wilting eyelashes,
Charred lips and rotting teeth,
The black bubble expands,
And begins to weep through vacant eyes,
Till the eruption is halted,
By a mind going into shut down.
I do not cry in front of others,
It demonstrates a level of weakness,
To lose control of emotions,
I fill my life with outward chaos,
Mark my skin with tally,
To distract me from the war,
Raging within myself.
It is not a case of wearing a mask,
To disguise oneself from the world,
I hide my face because no one needs to know (anymore)
In the event someone catches a glance,
And i am made to answer (left unprepared)
I shall simply smile ( i don't mind )
There is no plan to overthrow,
But there be a plot to defeat, (think about it)
I am not washing my clothes in public,
What goes and leaves my body ( is none of your business)
Arguments and disappointment can be avoided,
If you evade asking those foolish questions.
I never intend saying (you had your chance to listen)
The mirror opens it's harsh eyes,
And begins to survey the spread, (35 calories per)
Painful still the jolting peaks either side a canyon,
Neckband like a coat hanger, (a ghost of flesh)
Meandering veins wrap round the wrist,
Concave cheeks adding needed dimension,
I know this person that stares back at me,
A mixture of today and yesterday,(wait till tomorrow)
The mound of flesh that once was,
Has disappeared before only my eyes,
The title of beautiful is not something i deserve (not at the moment)
I must not expect immediate results,
Numbers mustn't change in minutes,(but I'll check anyway)
Blistering joints can heal in time,(there's plenty of that)
I'll spare a few restless nights of confrontation,(in my head)
To be ahead for the coming week, (that means nothing today)
All this time to preoccupy a recollection,
Places formally known as present,
Now hound me in my waking day (throw me off the track)
But my might is not as weak now (as everyone believes)
Bleeding, i shall stop that ( i no longer a woman)
So i may no longer be desired by men,
And have them thrust into me,
To lead a existence all about me (for once)
Only i may touch my dainty frame,
Only i may appreciate what is perfection.
To think i were made to apologies,
For making myself happy (this time)
I do not answer to someone who doesn't know,
How do they know when its time (stomach aches)
Pretending to please them,
Used to be the way of nothing happening,
To turn into a game of waiting,
But i am not stupid, i can see,
Your trying to take beauty ( away from me)
However now with my ultimate control,
I broke that collar round my neck (long ago)
I am strong, I am light, I am brave, I am in control,
I am determined, I am courageous, I am insightful, I am honesty,
I am frail, I am delicate, I am weightless, I am free..
