Why dont i need it anymore?

It's weird
Not needing
Something you have needed
For so long
I can't actually believe it

At the first sign of any emotion
Whether it be
Love or hate
I would always
Turn to the bottle

I have fought this addiction
So many times
Even at the age of 12
Yes, it sometimes dragged me down
But i didn't really care
maybe i should have

I have seen so many people
Go down that road
And not return
But i didn't care
I was stubborn

I didn't think
I could go down that
Lonely road
Even though i came so close
Many times

Fair enough
When i go tin to deep
I did cut down
Not much though

Then something would happen
I'd be back on that train
To nowhere
Yeah it was quite bad

Going to school
Unable to write
Cos of the constant shake
Of with drawl symptoms

I had to banish these cravings
I had no choice
I needed it
Even just a swig of vodka
Or a can of lager
Did the trick
For a while anyway

Gradually i cut down
Having left school
I drank only at weekends
Every weekend

months passed
I found myself
Liking someone
We'd meet up
Go out for a drink
Or buy some alcohol
I've seen myself buy
three crates in a week

I knew i was drinking
Way to much
I knew it would get a hold on me
And drag me down

But i couldn't help it
I had feelings id never experienced before
And they scared the living hell out of me
I drank because i was scared
Scared of what would happen
I had two choices
One, to ignore these feelings
And let you go
Even though i cared about you
Or two, was to let you in
into my life

Both of them seemed wrong
I loved you
But i couldn't let you in
I was afraid of loosing you
So i drank more
I didn't choose an option

At the slightest thing
I would turn to drink
Having an arguments
Seeing you upset
Knowing i couldn't help you
Unless i let you in

As the weeks past
Not knowing
what would happen

As the months passed
I found myself
Drinking less
than ever before
Even having only one drink at the weekend
Yes i have still had a drink
when somethings upset me
Or went wrong
But i only ever had one

Which i so unnatural
for me
I'm not used to it
I thought i needed it
I'm having no with drawl symptoms
I have let you in a little now
But not a lot

Maybe thats why i don't turn to drink
Maybe i didn't need it
maybe I've never needed it
Maybe i don't need it
Because
Now i know i can turn to you
Instead