Once upon a time I remember holding your hand [To my Dad]

Where to begin and put my whole life into a structure,
It is unsorted I can't just put it into lines,
But I'll try....

Once upon a time I remember holding your hand,
I remember your smile,
I remember you telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to you and that you would always be there for me,
To guide, to watch me grow,
To hold my hand and be there threw it all...

And as I grew I saw you differently,
How you treated mummy like she was nothing,
How you hit her and yelled at her,
How you made her blue,
And I remember saying STOP IT,
You told me to shut up and then I knew...
I knew I wasn't your little girl anymore,
I knew you had problems that were just to big....

So I left and went and lived and still live with my Nan,
It is hard, but safe and I know you understand,
During those years we were apart,
You made me feel like dirt and you ripped my heart,
I cry now to think I have lost this relationship,
That now I hate you and can't stand to know you,
I don;t see you as anything more then a bad man,
But you are a good man to, but I just can't understand...

I want to love you and I want to forgive you,
But I just can't I will never be like you,
And even know I am not religious at all,
I pray to the sky just thinking if there is help,
I don't want you to miss out...
It makes me cry to know that I don't know why,
Why you verbally abuse me,
Why you hate me so...

And when I was little you use to sing me a song,
"Follow me, everything is alright, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night, follow me I can grantee, you won't find nobody else like me"
I smiled,
And now I cry,
How lies hid those very words which I begged you to sing me every night...
Selfish, greed, anger, regret,
Some times I just wish either of us was dead.

Once upon a time I remember holding your hand....