I lost my heart
by kelly buzi Aug 3, 2007
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The day you appeared i lost my heart to you to love and from that day i cannot part from you from love you told me tight to you to love in my thoughts all day and night of you of love i offer all that i have to give to you to love and all my days i want to live with you in love |
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Latest Comments
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15 years ago
First thing, there was no punctuation at ALL in this piece, just one HUGE run on sentence. How am I supposed to read this when its all just one huge sentence?
~Capitalize all your "i"s in this poem, its proper grammar.
~There were SO many "you"s and "i"s in this poem, I couldn't keep track. These are called filler words and you had way to many, which really bored me. Try replacing them with other words, be creative.
~It would take too much time to go through each line with you, so I am just suggesting you go back and really take the time to work on this, because it doesn't seem like you did. Place proper periods and commas, so the reader will be able to read it. If you need any help, I'm right here.
2/5 from me, take care.... -
17 years ago
Excellent.....
wow.......great appreciation for your pretty good expressions.... well done and I really love the style of writings.... 5/5
Nazeer -
17 years ago
Excellent.....
wow.......great appreciation for your pretty good expressions.... well done and I really love the style of writings.... 5/5
Nazeer -
17 years ago
Beautiful; great poem!! i can relate to it!! 5/5
