Scared and worried

All these questions
Spinning in my head
I need answers
I need them now

I know no one
can give me them though
The more i need them
The further away they become

I'm scared of not knowing
whats going to happen
In the past
This wouldn't bother me

I wouldn't care
if i lived or died
but now
it's all i think about

Its really worrying
that maybe i won't wake up
Do i take that risk
Or leave it and keep suffering

It's so hard for me to choose
But I'm the only one who can make that decision
Soon I'm gonna have to decide
the doubts are taking over me

It's entirely up to me
I say I'm ok
nothings bothering me
but it is

It's been bothering me
Since i found out
I'm going to have to banish
This constant fear

I need to
I know i will not get my answers
until it's over
thats if i survive it

Do i take the chance
Do i leave it
I don't know
I'll have to make my mind up when the time comes

If it is unsuccessful
I want everyone to know that i love them
especially one person in particular