Dangling on a thought

by Riley   Aug 6, 2007


Holding on tightly,
Dangling from a rope.
In a realm of broken dreams,
In a world with no hope.

You're life is only fingertips now,
And your breath is cold and quick.
Eternal darkness below you,
And a world full of tricks.

A bottomless pit of shadow,
No end and no beginning.
If you let go right here, right now,
You won't escape this place of sinning.

You'll just fall for an eternity,
Past lives worth dying.
All the while you'll think of me,
And all your dreadful lying.

You'll think of how I look,
And then you'll think of why you left.
You'll realize how you took my heart,
Without noticing the theft.

    report violation
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  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    "In a world with no hope"

    Maybe . . . "without any hope" instead.

    "You're life is only fingertips now"

    Your* "You're " Means you are.

    Last two stanzas were my favorite. xD The rest of the poem was amazing, as well. Great emotion. There actually was a few things I thought needed work on, but that's no biggie at all. xD

    You're a wonderful poet, I think you'll go on my favorites when I finish. xD

    5.5

  • 16 years ago

    by Romancing the Darker Side

    I liked the poem, especially the line, "You're life is only fingertips now," except "you're" should be "your". When I saw the title, I expected something different, so thanks for the surprise. =] I also like the vocabulary you used, and I loved the rhyming, especially the last stanza. Nice work.

  • 16 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Gosh!! that was a sad piece.. ur still young to had that kind of thoughts. all the lines was amazing and very worded. just keep on writing all what u feel and keep it up! i enjoyed alot 5/5

    love lots,
    Sweet lig

  • 17 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    This was another amazing poem, wow. I really enjoyed this one, it was really well written and flowed so well. I loved the wording and the rhyming.
    well done, my friend
    xxxxxxx

  • 17 years ago

    by Loved In Hell

    I can really relate to this and i know alot of other people can too. its a really great write i enjoyed reading it another 5/5

    laura

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