This was a pretty good poem, your flow has a few flaws and the structure was a bit rigid. But it seems that you are new to this, and you have a whole lot of talent. I'm sure you will grow into a magnificent poet. The feeling was very strong and the rhymes were unique and interesting. Just work on your flow, the syllables and all and the structure of the poem and it will look and sound so much better. I hope my advice helped.