I Just Don't Understand

I just don't understand how I ever got this way,
Would somebody please tell me?
So miserable, so disliked, so utterly messed up,
Nowhere to run no place to hide.

Looking back on those moments in my fading memory,
Being a child - Oh I wish I was a child again,
But I was forced to grow up,
And I was blessed with no luck.

To bad I was given a heart,
What's the use? It doesn't even work,
Why me? Am I not cursed enough?
Who ever is out there must hate me so much.

But it doesn't work!
Why doesn't anything ever work for me?
It seems as if happiness doesn't exist in my life,
Will it ever?
I don't think so.

Forced to pretend my life is good,
That I am liked, that I am still popular,
But reality shows,
I am not.

No hugs or kisses can take away this pain,
Which I have built up over the past years,
Nothing is the same,
It's not just a wake up and it will all be better,
It is real for what I choose next,
Will be absolutely crucial.