Every day she'd beat herself up then tear herself down
locked inside her cell struggling she was bound
she lived a life of solitude alone without a friend
living out of body with a broken heart to bend
agonizing terror fights against her soul
hindering her helpless and lacking all control
there's a prison in her soul where misery lies inside
contained within the dimming walls tracing thought of suicide
when she needed the relief when she needed an exhale
she slid the razor across her wrist blue-veined and frail
as she slid the razor across her skin she began to see the red
"what's the point in living if my soul's already dead?"
she cut for the freedom, the unbindment, the relief
every drop of blood silences the screams exploding from beneath
her pulse was pounding her mind was swindled lost and paralyzed
this was one of many secrets she harbored so no one heard her cries
strung out and defeated surging surrendurance of life she prayed to the God to whom she'd lost all hope for strength to give up the fight
"God, I know I've lost my way and I know You're watching...disapproving
so oh, merciful Father save me from this battle that I'm loosing
oh, Father hear my prayers wrap them in your feathers of grace
withdraw me from my self-mutilating ways grasp my soul free me from this place
give me a sign that You're watching, give me a sign that You're there
give me a sign that You're real and that You hear my prayers"
she dropped the razor on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest
"God, I've given You my heart, I've given You my soul, it's up to You to do the rest"
then came a knock at the door and in walked the last person she wanted to see
her 10 year old brother handed her a hand-made card reading "happy birthday, ashley"
the card he made was her saving grace telling her of his love
that was her sign that she needed to live....her birthday savior from her God above
~ashley~
thank God for brothers!!! mine's always seemed to pick me up when i was at my lowest
