Desire - the story part 1

by JaMeS   Aug 12, 2007


To be honest I'm just sitting here
hoping love will write this story
but this is no fairytale
its one not steeped in glory

its more a log of suffering
showing great amounts of pain
but if this were a fairytale
then i wouldn't be going insane

going mad with all these feelings
of my passion locked up inside
and if i could never have you
id probably sit down and cry

cry because your the center of my world
true inspiration behind this piece
your the girl Ive kept this hidden from
but now its time i should release

release and show love and happiness
and caring all the while
keep that heart of yours beating
and the sun that is your smile

to be continued...

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Ingrid

    A very beautiful poem by you. I hope she knows how you feel!

    Take care James,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 17 years ago

    by tears i cry

    I was really good and had great flow but the rhyming sounded too forced and it doesn't seem like it came naturally to you 4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Adelle

    This is a really lovely poem unique, I really feel the emothion in it. There are only a couple of things in this poem that could make it better a few spellings = id should be i'd Ive should be Iv'e and its should be it's you wright i alot this should be capital I when not in a word also you need to start your sentances with capitals. I have only noticed these things because they are mistakes I have made alot in the past but since people have been telling me I have stopped makeing them.

  • 17 years ago

    by Hebe

    A beautiful piece.
    Words, rhyme were great.
    The feelings you have for this girl are very clear.

    " going mad with all these feelings
    of my passion locked up inside
    and if i could never have you
    id probably sit down and cry "

    This stanza is my favourite.
    It was just ..great.
    Loved reading this piece.
    Take care

  • 17 years ago

    by Catastrophic Beauty

    //* Aww, very touching. Great rhyming and the flow was flawless as well.

    I really like how you are doing three parts.

    -Shannon <3

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