Tired and Afraid

Why is it so hard
to find someone to care?
All I really need
is for him to be there.
I'd do anything in the world
that he wanted me to do,
is it too much to ask
for him to do it too?
Then there are the drugs
tearing us apart
I wish he only knew
how it's destroying my heart.
I try hard to express
the beautiful love I feel,
it seems every time I try
he just takes another pill.
I believe with all my heart
he really does love me,
but sometimes it seems
the drugs are all he sees.
I honestly do love him,
but more and more I cry,
just thinking how it'd be
without him in my life.
Then there are the times
he's the sweetest man in the world
showering me with flowers
showing I truly am adored.
So you see my heart is torn
between the two sides of him.
I am tired and afraid
to start all over again.
Tonight he has decided
not to sleep in our bed
he's in the other room
me, not knowing what's in his head.
The night will be restless
without him holding me tight,
I pray it will be different
come tomorrow night.

© Tammy Lively