There is so much inside of me that it tends to burst forward so much that I can not bare the tears that seem to fall so carelessly down my cheek.
I give all that I have and all that I know and still I feel as if I am falling down a creek with nothing to paddle but the souls of my feet.
I can never see what is in front or behind me even when my eyes are wide open they feel so closed to me that I wonder what is real and what is the nightmare that lingers.
if life was meant to give me rest then why must I fling my arms when ever I feel myself reaching the bed that I shall never lay upon why must the cold chill of this existence run down my spine and into the very core of my heart.
I can travel a million roads and never know where I am going I just walk and hope that the road I am on would lead me to where I have been searching for all of my life.
I understand life is short but what is it that draws me so close to the edge that I fear another step will send me falling down the great wide open space that can be nothing but emptiness and pain.
I am a normal girl who was cursed with gut wrenching pain the kind that eight pills a day or maybe less could cure, the kind of pain that fills your every nerve your every thought your every moment till you can no longer see the sun or the clouds but pitch black darkness all around you.
The kind of pain that you can not even cry no matter how hard you try and you wish you were dead because all you feel is this ache that never tends to go away and you notice the clock that seemed move with speed has suddenly slowed down to a sudden drip.
I have been to the point where thoughts can not penetrate the dull ache you feel surrounding your body till all you can do is rock back and fourth praying to anyone who would hear you for mercy praying and begging for it to all end.
I have been to the point where sleep lingers on the tip of you consciousness that you feel yourself going crazy to grab a hold of it and stuff it in your mouth without knowing what it is that you have eaten.
It is the thirst that you can not quench the thought that seems to fade and never resurface and the tear that never sheds.
I have given so much to this life I have tried so hard to make things right that without a good ending to my story I fear I shall forever be disappointed.
and I fear the pain that I feel will soon swallow me whole.
