by Somber Esprit Aug 20, 2007
category :
Sadness, depression /
about death
The scars of cold betrayal, |
by 4 track demo
Hey there..regardless of the post scripto dealeo near the bottom, thought your piece had form, flow, and structure an plenty, nearly all of it worked for me, it kept my attention and moved me, i didnt fall outta my chair, but.. anyway, the only metaphoric type thing i can really crtitque in a not so positive way, was the cutting wrist bleeding scenario deal thing, the visual was fluid and all, i'ts just so overdone, i'm wishing someone, could find a fresh way to express this. but overall, i truly enjoyed the read and look forward to more... you get a a hell yeah from me... |
by STEVE
You are a talented writer don't be concerned about the negatives you get they are only amatuers I will nominate it for the contest 5/5 Steve |
by Fsams
The free style you ahve follwowds is great. Keep it up 5/5 and your message is clear |
It was good, It was really nice that you put it into a different type of rhyming, Wrote 4 lines then another 4 to rhym with them. It was really good...5/5 |
Hey this is a good poem!!..te rhyming seemed to be a bit off on some stanzas but all in all i was looking at the whole picture not just how things are worded and yes i enjoyed this poem very muchly ahah!! |