The Shame Stained in My Eyes

The wind is blowing down the silent river,
as the thoughts of you begin to form in my mind
I took a chance on you by letting you in and look where I am now. Sitting by the silent river as it welcomes the rainy clouds in the distance. As the changing of seasons prepares me for the long and distance winter that is to come.

I put my head down in shame for how foolish I was for thinking that you actually loved me and that one-day we would be married. I still wear that ring that you gave me last Christmas Eve when you told together forever we would be.

I just feel like Im sinking as I claw for the solid ground. But you ripped the ground from underneath my feet and put me in a world full of pain and instability. And even after five months of you being gone I still cant find my footing to get back on the solid ground.

I once open my heart and never again will it be. I feel a tear slide down my cheek as the memories of us come to my mind. How I wish I could get back the good times but throw away all the bad. How I wish I could still call you mine and how I wish I could finally look up without the shame stained in my eyes.

But I will forever be masked in shame and hurt for the things you did to me are too much for words. All the nights of anger, bruises and promises broken. All those nights of tears, fears and lies.

But I can say this without any shame, when I die tonight and you hear..... maybe you will finally see all the pain and suffering you caused me.... and that some how I was still strong enough to take off the ring and leave it behind with a note that said I will always love you.