A Bullet in the Right Place --rewritten more advise please

The rain started to come down
As look at my phone waiting for your call
I check it for messages but find there are
no calls, no text, no you
I have been waiting for hours but I know you wont be calling for your not mine anymore and im not your

I stand up and try to tell myself that everything will be fine and that it was for the best, she would have destroyed you if you stayed in the relationship any longer but I feel those thought soon fade when I see the picture of you and me holding hand.
We were happy that day, for it was a day when my manic depression was at a low. And those kind for day were few in number and now seem even farther away

I folded up the picture throwing it out in anger and hurt. My head is a mess and my life is spiraling out of control, I suddenly feel the sadness begining to rise as a shot of pain shoots though my body

Tons of thought are flowing through my mind....what am I to do on the nights when my depression is to much to take, who am I to turn too. The one person who actually cared is gone and I am left here all alone and single to face tomorrow

But as the night creeps slowly along I sense the darkness weaving its way into my mind. Fear grips me, as i begin to plea for it to stop and give me peace. The mania is starting to take over me I have no control over it. Bad thoughts come into my mind, very bad thought. And the worst one of all is there too. I cant control my head and my medication is not working anymore. I may not be able to control my head but I do control one thing......

With no one in the house, I quietly enter my bedroom and shut the door, I kneel on the floor and remove a hard and cold object. I keep repeating in my mind that it for the best and that i deserve to die.
I will show everyone that I did something with my life....I put my head back put the loaded gun into my dry mouth. I feel the tears start to fall as i cock the GUN and blow away all the madness, sadness, hurt, pain, love and heart ack you put me through. Tonight I showed you all including her that a bullet in the right place can change it all