I've got all this time
only it's not really mine
either way, I'm wasting it...
at least thats what it feels like
and everything I did before
feels just...like it never happened
or like it happened a million years ago
to the point where it kinda seems unreal to me
just like I never went through any of the things I went through. like nothing hurt me before this.
and this does hurt. but it's like I don't care at the same time. it's okay to let this happen....what can I do?
whatever, it's fine.
it's like there's this knot but there's no undoing it, no fixing it, no making it better. at least it doesn't seem like it to me. maybe by some miracle things will get better...at the very least they'll get better but theres no...I dont know.
and I've given serious thought to ending this...all of this but I don't wanna die. who does? and its not just that thats stopping me.
so what do I do? I don't know...I really don't know.
