Great write. I enjoyed this poem and the style.

Beautiful piece dear! I think my only suggestion is to make sure your middle lines follow the same flow the whole way through. Use the same syllable count. It's something I too have been counseled to work on from other poets, and the more I write using it, the better my pieces are. The easier they roll off the tongue. Also, you could possibly use question marks in this piece, seeing as you are posing this as a question to him. Don't think I am trying to downgrade your poems, I just think it's twice as great a comment if you learn something from it. We all hear the same old "it's great" comments, and that doesn't help us. That let's us think that we are as good as we are gonna get, and that's not true. We can always work on our poetry!
Charisma*

Nice poem