Fearful Hunger

Gab.. This peice simply blew me away.
With every word you expressed deep emotion's. The peice, was flawlessly penned and I really enjoyed it. I thought you nailed my story line perfectly, as well as andrea did.
Thats why I had such a hard time choosing between the two.

Your very talented hun:)
Keep it up 5/5

--Elly.

First of all, I wish you would use punctuation in your poetry. It's so much easier to read.

Don't forget, capitalize your i's/"I"s

I'm not really sure if mistrusting is a word. I may be wrong, but it may be "distrusting" but don't take my word for it.

I don't know if it is just me, but the past few poems I have read and commented on seem unfinished, like they just stop abruptly where they should not.

The lack of punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and effort seems to take away from the overall effect of the poem, for me at least.

I'm not saying you must change the way that you write your poems, but I suggest you do.

On other terms, the poem was pretty good in meaning, and it was truth. I could tell that you were actually feeling what you were writing, and that it was all honest. The greatest thing about this poem was that I could tell that you were writing for YOU and not for the READER! That is sometimes the worst offense poets make, writing for the reader, and when they do that you can tell.

And the poem was full of description, but still, it was kind of diminished by the lack of punctuation, capitalization, etc...

All in all, I liked the poem, despite the fact that it also seemed to jump around from topic to topic of pain, which I don't think you would understand that statement, but I'll just throw it out there in case you do understand.

Good job, m'dear.

5/5
~Stephen White

Wow, I think WOW. Simply amazing and truly breathtaking poem. It is simple but you still expressed emotions on the fantastic way. So deep, touching and honest piece, I like your poetry because every your poem is deep and emotional and you always create beautiful atmosphere. I am impressed, well done!

-when i fall, i'm no longer able to fly-
^This line is, I don't know maybe outstanding is the right word. It is so sad and I can feel your emotions like they are mine own.

-this swirling of color, confusing my thoughts
sinking farther into this death
causing my own pain doesn't help tolerate it
this guilt with every breath-
This stanza is absolutely superb. I just love it.

-more dark than light even in my dreams
worrying that she would take him
how on earth could i not realize
his love for me went deeper than skin-
When I read it... Just wow, really impressing you wrote it ... This stanza shows that you have majestic talent.
And last stanza has excellent message, you created great atmosphere with just few words!
And in whole poem wording is wonderful. Fantastic poem, I like it so much. This poem is my favorite piece from you except maybe your poem called:-Painful dreaming- I have that poem in my favorites list and it is also amazing but this one really deserves more than 5/5