Scattered ashes

Looking upon this effigy
of the man i once loved.
choosing not to break his sickening face
shatter his stony heart.

fighting off angry tears
refusing to let him have that satisfaction
wishing that i could have known before
known how he would break me

i vowed upon his death that i would never
let someone become my twisted bliss.
i vowed that no one would ever break down
the wall i had put up to fend off those like him.

looking back upon the days when he was my savior
looking back upon the years when i trusted him.
looking at the hours,minutes and seconds when i just wanted to be with him.
now looking back i don't know what made me love him.

realizing that he broke me into a million pieces
knowing that i would never love him again
losing hope for anyone else
breaking all connections with love

as a northern wind blows his ashes around me
i close my mouth and my heart
not allowing him the advantage of getting inside me
the only thing i am allowing him to take are my angry tears.

i let the tears flow freely to be lost forever with him and his scattered ashes