Deadly Sins

by MakeBelieveLove   Sep 4, 2007


The guilt sinks in
Then I start to realize my sin
Adultery and lust
Gambled me into a bust
Just wrapped in greed
Planted into a seed
Grown with pride
Turned into a beautiful suicide
Brought by envy
Caused by me
Vanity A beautiful Kiss
You wouldn’t understand the bliss
Pushed me into rags and cloth
Slowed down into a sloth
Forced into a screaming wrath
I was surly bound to a loss
Pour a new drink
And fall into my gluttony
Far too many sins
To clean me from within.

I know it needs a little work... but all around pretty good Idea... tell me what you think it needs...

    report violation
0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Fsams

    The rhymes are good and I like it :) The way you have strung the words is great. Loved the flow and the content

  • 17 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    This was, penned better, than the last. Your flow has improved- the rymthes don't seem forced.
    This I enjoyed, it was short, sweet and too the point.

    Well done,
    Elaine.

  • 17 years ago

    by aDORKable x3

    It wasn't a bad poem at all. I enjoyed it. For some reason, the seven sins appeal to me. lol

    Turned into a beautiful suicide
    ^^favorite line

    It has irony because suicide has anything but beauty.
    Another good job.
    4.5
    Ciao~

  • 17 years ago

    by pixie

    This was good
    i love it!

  • 17 years ago

    by TwiztidJuggalette

    I really don't think it needs anything, a piece of poetry is great if the author likes it...It had a good meaning behind it and it was a really enjoyable read. I haven't read a poem quite like this one..Well like the story behind it..It was really good..

    5/5

Read All Comments (6)

More Poems By MakeBelieveLove