Comments : Tears are falling

  • 17 years ago

    by KaKaSHi

    Umm well...
    for a non rhyming poem...it has a good flow...
    but there are a fw things u should work on..
    like this for example
    "trying hard not to be the only one she will never need."
    doesnt make sense..
    and this "but my presence is t painful."
    u should fix it.."but my presence is too painful."
    and dont put dots at the end of every sentence...stephen (the club owner) wrote a huge article abt things like that...
    well...it makes the reader stop, and thats not wat u want in EVERY line...u know
    and btw...it kinda seems unfinished...like u had more to say...but for some reasons...just didnt..
    ill refrain from voting, just fix a couple of things and im sure ull get loads of good comments and votes..
    (sorry if any of this seemed a bit too offensive...i wasnt trying to be...)