Umm well...
for a non rhyming poem...it has a good flow...
but there are a fw things u should work on..
like this for example
"trying hard not to be the only one she will never need."
doesnt make sense..
and this "but my presence is t painful."
u should fix it.."but my presence is too painful."
and dont put dots at the end of every sentence...stephen (the club owner) wrote a huge article abt things like that...
well...it makes the reader stop, and thats not wat u want in EVERY line...u know
and btw...it kinda seems unfinished...like u had more to say...but for some reasons...just didnt..
ill refrain from voting, just fix a couple of things and im sure ull get loads of good comments and votes..
(sorry if any of this seemed a bit too offensive...i wasnt trying to be...)