I've lost all control. Scream

Sometimes at night, I wish to die,
Holding my breath to see how long it takes to sigh,
All I want to do is be surrounded with loving,
But it turns out all that happens is shoving,
I wish others would understand,
Instead of acting so sad,
I hate the thought, of death,
But I feel I have failed when I take another breath.

Breathe in and out,
Can't think another thought,
Screaming my lungs out
No one wonders why,
I find it better that way,
So, no one knows when I'm gone,
and why I've done what I've done.

I can't control my feelings for this impulsive desire,
I wish I could, I wish my life was perfect too,
If only I believed in fairies, and beautiful sorcerers,
Maybe this might turn out to be true,

I've got this necklace around my neck,
Hoping it'll bring me luck,
I hope my mom doesn't give me heck,
I just want to be struck,
If only she knew what I was thinking,
Maybe if she knew, there was this black abyss, that I'm sinking into.