Comments : The Girl of my Dreams

  • 16 years ago

    by Katie

    I like how you used poetry to tell a story and the setting is very nice.
    Some lines, I noticed, don't rhyme, but that's fine.
    I would find it more interesting if you added some symbols, possibly a symbolic meeting if Emily. Also, more imagery would, in my opinion, make the reader feel your emotions more. One example in my head is that line where you mention how smooth you usually are; I was thinking about rewording to say that your conversations flow like the ocean.
    Also, even noting details that don't directly relate to your message could expand your piece like noting the sun when you first see her to represent your passion.