I hate myself.. but i love you

I'm so scared..
I fear that i'm not what you desire..
I'm not beautiful, as you say i am.
I'm not perfect, as you think i am.
I'm not even close to perfection...
I can barely find my own direction.

My voice is not sweet,
Perhaps it's even loud..
I'm scared ..
Scared to let you love me.
Afraid to not make you proud.

I'm so scared.
I don't want to hurt you,
I don't want to make you sad..
I don't want to make you cry..
Oh, how i wish i was dead..

My words come out wrong,
I can't even explain myself..
I'm so useless..
Worthless..
Why do you fight so hard for me?
Why?

I cant see what you see in me..
I'm see-through.. Like a ghost..
And, in the whole world..
I'm the person i hate the most.

I hate myself for being weak..
Too afraid to fight..

If only i had the courage..
To tell the world these lies -
I am beautiful,
I am strong,
I am faithful,
I am smart,
And i can be loved.

But..really.. Why lie about myself?
I hate lies..

That's why i need you to know..
That i'll hurt you some day..
I just hope that you'll forgive me..
Hold my hand..
And say 'That's ok.. I still love you anyway'

I hate myself..
But i love you..