I almost missed it in the contest. You should have let me know you edited your post O.o But it's okay now ^_^
As for the poem, it's very beautiful. I like it more than the original one you entered. Some of the lines are very unique and to my liking. One of my favourites ones is "Trees fade out with brilliance" - just has a nice ring to it. Neat concept overall as well. I just think you should have used more punctuation, the rest is fine though. Good work! ^_^
Thank you for entering the contest!

It is nice, to be honest I think that you could write this one even more better, I like some lines a lot but imagery should be more powerful, atmosphere also isn't really strong.

OMG!!! that is BEAUTIFUL!!! i absolutly LOVE IT!!! such lovely imagery! i like the way the rhythem changes halfway through. add's a certain... something... Was GREAT! well done!