The months passed quickly,
Slowly, I tried to forget about you.
New problems arose,
But, my mind always wondered back to you.
The nights we spent together,
Laying in each other's arms.
Joking about all the stupid things,
Not caring about the worlds harm.
I thought about that stuff,
Each passing day.
I wanted to hear those three simple words,
I wanted you to say you missed me again.
Sometimes I thought I hated you,
I would cry all through the night.
I thought that I wouldn't hurt anymore,
That maybe I'd be alright.
I wanted to kiss those lips,
I wanted you to tell me it was okay.
I needed to feel your hands wrapped in mine,
Just one more day....
"Heidi come with me."
You begged as you took my hand.
"I'm not coming with you."
I can't do this again.
"We've been talking so much lately.
I know you miss me too."
"That's the thing though,
I do miss you."
"I miss you too much,
So I can't come along.
I don't want to do this again,
It's been so long."
"You don't know how bad I've wanted to kiss you,
You have no idea how many nights I wished.
That you'd call me or come over,
Just to have a kiss."
"It feels so good to hold you,
Right now, I wish I could come.
But I can't give in again to you,
I don't want to be in love."
"I don't want to hurt all over again,
I don't want you to lie.
I always told you that it was okay,
But even you know, All I did was cry."
"So, don't pretend it's okay again.
Don't ask me to come with you.
I love you too much,
For us to be 'us two'."
And this is where he kissed me,
"Shut up," was all he said.
"I miss you so much," I pointed out.
"I hate you," went through my head.
"I don't want to feel those feelings again,
The heart break and the pain.
I don't want to cry myself to sleep,
I don't want to do that all over again."
"It's too much for me to handle,
Love, is just a word.
I don't know why I love you."
Was the last thing that he heard.
My wish came true,
I heard what I wanted to hear.
But why didn't I feel better?
Because I wanted him near.
Even though he broke my heart,
I wanted to go through it again.
Because his touch was all that mattered,
At that point, it wasn't the pain.
It was the way he still gave me butterflies,
And the way I wanted him to stay.
It was the fact that I would hurt,
Rather then watch him walk away.
But, I couldn't break my promise to myself,
It was final - I wasn't doing it again.
I told him one last time I was sorry,
It just wouldn't be the same.
"Don't leave me Heidi,
Please don't go.
I need you in my life."
And... I shut the door.
