The Sickness Within--- about my life

I hear you get up for the 9th time to get sick. Its getting close to morning for I see the sun shine through my window. I hear you mourning about the pain in your body and the lack of hair on you head.

Im startled when my alarm clock begins to ring, signaling that its time to get up for school. I try to move from my bed but find myself struggling. My body feels as through it weights a million pounds. But finally i slowly force myself to get up and head for the shower.

I feel the weight lift as the water washed it down the drain. The water helps calm my mind and gives me peace. This is the only place I find an escape, a place to get away.

I slowly dress dreading the day ahead. I advance to the kitchen to make breakfast and lunch for the two of us but am interrupted when I hear you crying. Your crying about your weight and how you cant fit into any of your cloths. The chemo has not only taken away your hair but your body and spirit as well.

I want to embrace her so bad and tell her everything going to be all right. That she is beautiful the way she is. But I cant for I am a coward and scared to death, I dont know how to help her. So I shut it out of my mind and continue to make our food.

When I finally hear the crying stop I enter her room to help her get dressed for work and to check her bandages. But I find her in bed, she tells me she cant work today. She to tired and worn from the chemo she had last night.

She strains getting out of bed and tries to stand but she is too weak. Her knees give out form under her; I grab her and stop the fall. She clutches me tight as I pull her into my chest. I hold her like a child and shelter her from harm. I feel her faint heart beat again my chest as I kiss her on the head tell her that everything will be all right. I feel wetness on my shoulder, she sobbing telling me to never her let go and tells me she sorry for all she has put me through. I rock her back and forth singer to her softly one of her favorite songs.

Im late for school and there is no points going now. Its to far to walk. I feel her body go limp in my arms as peace finally sweeps over her body and mind. Her breathing slows and the tears stop. I slowly lift her up and place her on the bed gently. I cover her fragile body with the blanket and start to clean up the throw up that is splattered all over her bathroom.

When I am finish I shut the light off in her room and shut the door...I suddenly feel so defected and lost I dont know what to do. I miss my old life, I miss being happy, I miss me but more then anything I miss you the once strong person, that now cant even take care of herself. I guess this is what cancer does it not only destroys the victim but the people around them as well