Heartache

This desire I have
Makes me want to cry
Because my desired world
Is nothing but a lie

I hate life
And all it will ever hold
Because no matter what
It leaves me in the cold

Everyone I love
Betrays my trust
But I betray myself
With my selfish lust

I don't know myself
Like I did before
And at this point
I don't know what's in store

I feel a lingering hurt
Though its origin is unknown
Anything would feel better
Even a million broken bones

I thought it would change
After a day or two
But after a month passed
I knew that it wasn't true

Why did I feel a love
For someone who wouldn't stay
I wish I could go back in time
And fix that whole damn day

I don't feel the same
As I was once was
People think they understand
But no one really does

I want to cry
But no tears come
In the end I feel pain
But I'm also numb

People ask what's wrong
But I can't exactly explain
So I'm all alone
Standing in the rain

When I end up saying something
They all say "let go"
When I'm reminding us that I can't
I'm at an all time low

When no one understands
And telling makes it worse
It gets so bad
It's no longer enough to curse

Envy and love
Are the bases of this pain
But in the end
It keeps me sane

It's so bad now
I can't recall
The person I was
Before my fall

I'm also scared
Of this new me
Because it's a someone
That I don't want to see

I want the times before
Before the confusion
Before the little crushes
Turned into mindless delusion

Though that's impossible
To go back to the past
When time moves forward
So very fast

There's nothing I know of
That can stop this ache
Maybe this is a bad dream
And I'll soon awake

From the dreadful nightmare
Where her and him is all I see
So I pray, when I finally wake
That he'll belong to me

This is my fantasy
Which may not come true
But if I can't have your love
I don't know what to do

So I'll walk this Earth forever
For as long as it may take
To attain you and your love
No matter how much I ache

Hopefully it'll pay off
And one day they'll see
The brand new couple
Of him and me