Anorexic Beauty (Take Two)

She staggers through the door
(In her head she's floating)
And ducks her angular head at the stares
Of horrified peers
Eyes flicking from shoe to shoe
"They think I'm fat"
She crosses and uncrosses
Arms too weak to hold her bag steady
"Thump" goes her heart
And then nothing more
"Thump" goes her bag as it falls to the floor
"Thump" she joins her bag where it lies
"I love you Ana" she whimpers
As her body shakes in its anorexic beauty
And urine spreads across her jeans
And they turn away
"Another wannarexic" they say
With their cruel bitter mouths
"Where is her beautiful Ana now?"
Think some, and others
"I wish I could be like her"
And her eyes roll back into her head
As life rips from her chest
Through slits ready made
By the harsh kiss of her razor blade
Just a skeleton on the floor
And the little girl in the corner
Smiles at the sight of her future

**I was asked to analyze this poem, so here goes:

In summary I'd have to say that the poem contains many examples of "wannarexia", and reactions to "wannarexia" in society, but what fun are summaries?

Society Type One

"..they turn away
"Another wannarexic" they say
With their cruel bitter mouths
"Where is her beautiful Ana now?"
Think some.."

This portrays those who assume that eating disordered people are simply "getting in on the latest trend", and do not take those afflicted seriously, either because of their ignorance or because it hurts too much to acknowledge how those close to you are suffering. I'm sure many of us have people in our lives who simply would not/do not take our eating disorder seriously, and think it is just a "silly teenage phase" or such.

Society Type Two

"..and others
"I wish I could be like her..""

This line represents those who secretly wish that they have the self-discipline that is assumed to be a large part of anorexia. I know, personally, that whenever I hear that someone I know has been forced into IP, I feel a twinge of jealousy. I can't help feeling that they have been more successful than I. Again I'm sure many of us have heard someone they know carelessly remark that they "wouldn't mind a bit of that anorexia, I need to shift these last few Christmas pounds". Yes, ignorance like that can hurt, and I wanted to include it in my poem.

The Girl

The girl herself could either be a "true" anorectic, who is either so far into her disease that she can no longer tell the difference between a disorder and what she considers to have become her only friend, or mistaking the "voice" in her head for a whole other person.

However, she could also be an example of someone who starts out as a "wannarexic" just seeing it as a quick way to lose weight, and quickly becomes addicted to the weightless and "control".

In an abstract way, she's also me. When I was 13, and this was just starting for me, I used to call my eating disorder "Ana". I was so lonely, I needed that idea of a friend. I needed to use terms that the most easy to find ED sites used, because I needed somewhere to be included. I needed to make sense of what was happening to me, and I adopted the idea of "Ana" and "love you to the bones" as a simple explanation. I quickly grew older, realised that I was slowly killing myself, and began to hate the idea of "Ana". No, this had to be all me, I had to have control, even if it was over my impending death.

And often I imagined, and I imagine still, my demise. Will the death described in the poem be my own? Will I, at that final point of weakness, seek comfort yet again in the idea of the ever faithful "Ana"? Am I quite simply, after my years of suffering, a "wannarexic"? I doubt quite often the reality of my eating disorder. Surely I am simply running too far and too fast with the memory of a couple of skipped meals.

The Little Girl

"..And the little girl in the corner
Smiles at the sight of her future."

This is quite simply a brief mention of how your eating disorder affects those in your life. Particularly younger relations or friends, who look up to you. This line also reflects how I feel that in a way an eating disorder is something that lies dormant in a person, at least I felt that my ED was always with me, all through out my childhood. This girl is in a corner, she's lonely, presumably unhappy, we assume ignored. No one sees her, or sees what is in her future. There's no one with her to protect her from the disorder growing inside. And maybe, like me, she welcomes the company.

Again, she's also an example of someone who may begin as a "wannarexic" and be sucked in. She is, if you like, a representation of the anorectic's childhood. Just as society type two could, at a stretch, have been her before her ED really began, and society type one is who she could have been, had she not been "blessed" with a disease that provides such insight to the life of many suffering people in this world.