Love and friends

My heart is heavy...
its Saturday...I'm 19 in a week.
the two people i care about most aren't going to be there.
ones going away and the other...well who knows.

i miss all my friends so much...but i miss the love even more. inexplicably i feel alone tonight, i guess maybe I'm missing him...even if he is back with his ex again.

its unbelievable how i can fool myself into believing everything is fantastic, when its not...when i have the time to reflect i see what i miss...and it is those things i wish for over and over... love...reliable friends...people to be around and laugh with...the list all relates to love and other people.

but more than that I'm obsessed with making others smile, and putting them first, i could be hurting deep down but they wouldn't know it. I'm empathetic and sympathetic i share their emotions, and i try to make it all better...but it does fail on occasions, and someone else walks away...