Final End

I think this was a really strong poem actually, the fact that there isn't too much detail helps the reader to relate to the poem in their own way, which i found very easy to do, and this i feel is a strength of the poem. it flowed well, and because it was pure emotion, it was easy for me to read and relate to
i rate it at 5/5 :) x x x

"I don't want to be with you anymore
you make it hard to breathe
you make it hard to just ignore you"

^^ A little more description is needed. The way that it is right now is a little cliched and point blank. What does he do that makes it hard to breathe? That makes it hard to ignore him? At the same time, as well, it is a little ambiguous. You don`t want to be with him anymore and he`s making it hard to breathe...but you can`t ignore him? Why? A little more description would really help the reader get the most of this.

"I'm don't trying to stay happy"

^^ Should 'don`t' be 'done'?

"I'm trying to be the best i can be
you blame the distance between us on me
its not my fault
i just get busy
you call with an attitude
yell at me
and act all rude"

^^ Again, description is needed. You go from one idea to the next with a sudden change, a few lines added between to explain what is going might have helped.

"why wont you just let me go
cause this isn't working
and no one is happy you know?
i cant stand to even be around you sometimes
it makes me sick
so many tears i cry
its getting harder, life is changing
I'm not happy
emotions and feeling are rearranging
time to let me go free
i cant take the pain anymore
i just want to be happy
just understand i need to see my smile again
its time to let go
its time we come to our final end "

^^ Ick. Cliched, again...if he is making you so unhappy, if no one is happy, why is it that only HE should have to end it? Why not end it yourself. This is a venting poem, yes? So it is all peachy to describe what he does to make you unhappy, but at the same time, you could give a little of a vindictive tune to it by saying something about getting over him, about how you will find someone better, you know?

The poem was so-so. It had it`s strong parts, but to make it stronger, use proper grammar and spelling. Every 'i' should be capitalized --> 'I' . Every word like 'don`t' , 'won`t' , etc...they should be properly written with the apostrophe to show that they are contractions.

This poem has potential, you just need to put a little bit more of an effort into it is all.

4.5
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