Comments : Innocent mail

  • 17 years ago

    by I Seem to be the Heartless

    I actually really enjoyed the contents of this poem. For a first one on the site, it's not half bad.

    Just remember one thing with poetry - spelling and grammer count. Punctuation is also important, but some poets find a way of making a poem brilliant without using any. This is constructive critisism so please do not think anything bad of what I am saying. This is to help.

    For example:

    It started 3 years ago
    With aN innocent mail.
    You now owe me a kiss and
    I cannot wait, you know.

    Mails wERE sent forward
    And back, the joke become
    more seriously in fact. I kept on
    INSisting on my request.

    YOU invited me over
    For a visit or so.
    I hesitated at first
    But finALly, I did go.

    YOU looked so sexy,
    And oh so friendly.
    I was noT nervOUs,
    But didn't show IT.

    We ended up in
    each other's armS.
    I'M glad that kiss ended
    up in a fantastic time.

    Now I'm in love.
    A love which I cannot explain.
    I know it is forever.
    I hope YOU feel the same.

    Go back and read your poem and see what I have suggested you change. Look, I'm not a very good writer, but this is just a bit of advise. take it or leave it. Your choice :)

    But I'm really glad to see you on here cuz!!!! Keep writing!!!!!

    Josie

  • 17 years ago

    by Cobra

    Hey, watch your tone of voice, you are a great writer that's why I asked your advise. I will take your advise because I think your poetry is good and you are great. I don't care how you give your advise, I care from whom it comes. Many thanks, C U

  • 17 years ago

    by Kris

    WOW !
    It's good.

  • 17 years ago

    by MusoXDanielle

    Awww it bought tears to my eyes!
    It's such a sweet poem! :-)
    Keep writing

    5/5

    Danielle
    x