Wow, I liked the quick short lines, makes the poem more intense. I really liked this, had a great flow and good choice of wording. Keep up the great work.

Peace, Joe

Wow. First I want to say thatnks for the comment. Second this poem is amazing. The short lines added punch to it and it sounds great when read aloud. To me I think you described a love attack perfectly. I love your choice in words and great rhyming, I'm not very good at it so I enjoy it that much more when I see it used as well as you did here. I don't think I have any pointers just wow. Keep writing, 5/5.

Love, Becky

LOL!! That was SWEET!!

Good stuff! awesome ideas! keep up good work!

You fired Cupids arrow,
Like the fiercest dart.
Your aim was narrow,
Yet you pierced my heart,

that stanza was unlike the rest in it's rhyme. But can I just step back from my critiques for a moment and say WOW HOLY COW! That was amazing! This piece and your rhymes and everything, I'm just....WOW! It's beautiful. Your rhymes are powerful without sounding forced, your message is strong, and your ending was like WOW! Didn't see that coming. Man, you have got a way with your words.
Charisma*

Thanks for your comment Charisma - i was never sure of that stanza. I wanted to put across the image of being shot in a love sense. I couldn't get it to work right at all.
I've removed it and will work on it.
Thanks for all your comments guys/girls - it really helps me improve.

I agree with Charisma...you certainly have a way with words.
How the hell have I missed your poetry all of this time?
This was amazing..blunt, powerful, straight to the point and yet so beautifully and elegantly written...much like all of your other work.

This is so amazingly good!
i really like the rhythm, it was perfect
and the flow was good
and great job with the rhymes :]
5/5

~Sandra

Well, you haven't ceased to amaze me yet. The structure of this poem is unique and works so well for this piece. Each line just grabs the reader and pulls them. You had me wanting more and then left me satisfied. Great write. 5/5

marcella