Pirouettes & Thorns

"As a little girl I used to prance,
I thought I looked just like her.
Id jump and run and tumble down,
A classic pair, thats what we were."

"Id" should be "I'd".

"thats" should be "that's".

Good flow here and it makes the reader curious as to what will be next.

"But I was so little and young back then,
I didn't understand at all.
But now I know the truth,
Of how ballet made her fall."

Didn't like the two "but"s, it just ruined it a bit for me.

The "ballet" part had me reading on, wanting to know more, nice job with that. You don't reveal so much that you let the reader know what is going on right away, but slowly lead up to it.

"She slaved away day after day,
Then weeks then months then years.
She made it her ultimate fantasy,
Though it made her shed so many tears."

Last line- Delete the "so" and it will flow better. Otherwise nice work here, the descriptions were great and it portrayed her passionate side.

"She wasnt home very much,
And then when she was,
She wasnt up for much sister time,
She was always behind closed doors."

"wasnt" should be "wasn't".

Try not to use "she" so much..

"But she was still my idol,
Id watch her dance and see:
All those pirouettes and arabesques,
And thought, someday, that could be me."

"Id" should be "I'd".

I liked this stanza a lot, it touched me in the sence that even though you had your troubles with your sister you saw so much in her and learn....What wonder and awe you held.

"Then one day when she was seventeen,
And I was barely ten.
She auditioned for school in Canada,
I thought Id never see her again."

"Id" should be "I'd".

More of a story but that is quite alright, I really like poems that tell stories or portray something that changed you inside.

"But home she came again,
Because although she was one of the best.
Her legs were too short, her body too long,
She wasnt accepted; was it a jest?!"

"wasnt" should be "wasn't".

This stanza shows how critical people can be and even if you have the talent, the heart, the spirit for it, it is the looks that matter. You get that message across well here. If this is true, then I am sorry about what happened. What a struggle that must have been. If she really had passion in her heart, why was it her looks that mattered?

"And just when I thought I had her back,
It was to New Zealand she went
This time she was accepted,
It was only photos and letters she sent."

Again, a bit too many "she"s but I see this poem is meant to tell the reader something and you do that nicely.

"So lonely all by myself,
I missed her so very much.
Before she left shed given me a card
With a sweet message and a personal touch."

"shed given" should be "she gave".

Well that is good, you still are family and she wouldn't forget about you just because of dance.

"I kept this little card,
Had it always close to me.
I read it and re-read it many times,
I memorized it easily."

Wow, this shows how much of an impact this had on you, I know I have some cards and photos I hold dear to me, all I have left really.

"So that in between phone calls and letters,
If ever I needed to.
I could read the message she left me,
And could smile at the picture she drew."

How sweet, I really am enjoying this.

"She seemed to be happy over there,
Se made friends and the school was great.
I thought she had found where she belonged,
But it seemed I had made a mistake."

"se" should be "She".

That last line had me wondering...

"She was doing really well,
Until a fracture made her tear.
Not because of the pain so much,
But it had ruined her dancing career."

This is so heartbreaking, it truly is, you have that desire to dance then it is torn away, I am so sorry.

"So it was back home she came,
A different person to before.
Depressed and very quiet,
Only wanting to dance some more."

The length really is not mattering to me, I am just lost in your story and what happens in the end. I imagine this happens to many.

"For a couple of years she stayed here,
She tried a couple of jobs.
But nothing could make her happy,
At night Id listen to her sobs."

"Id" should be "I'd".

"It was only twelve months ago,
That with a girlfriend she left.
She got a job back in Canada,
In a 5 star resort, no less."

Wow, that is really good!

"Shes been happy over there,
Shes travelled and had some fun.
Something she hasnt had in a while,
that she deserves more than anyone."

"Shes" should be "She's".

"Hasnt" should be "hasn't".

"So things have improved a lot,
And shell be home not far away.
I cant wait to see her again,
I keep on counting down the days."

"shell" should be "she'll".

"cant" should be "can't".

"But I will never forget,
About the way that she was torn.
About the pain we all went through,
Because of pirouettes and thorns."

Loved the ending, that last line was striking. I am glad all went well, though you will never forget the pain, you are closer now than ever I bet.

Good work, take care and God bless you!

~MaryAnne

It was a pretty long poem, but still good. :)
every stanza seemed to portray the same thing-how much you loved her..
i think the flow was a bit off in some parts..but overall, it was good. :)

Overall it is good but would say for this stanza

As a little girl I used to prance,
I thought I looked just like her.
Id jump and run and tumble down,
[[ put it to maybe "I'd jump, run and tumble down" ]]
A classic pair, thats what we were.

Aw this is really beautiful, long but thats okay really easy to read and flowed well so the length doesnt matter. easy to see how much you love her :)