Wow, that was good (actually no. it wasnt DECENT!)

You seriously need to learn some punctuation, comma's are our friends Wes!
The enjambement is good, it emphasises the meaning of the piece and stuff like, its all distorted and blah. I liked it.. but. COMMA'S MAN!!

Greatly written, with excellently expressed emotions and very vivid imagery through the whole piece.
Keep up!
5/5 from me

Very dark in a way i like

That is really good. I liked it b/c it talks about some of the way I feel as well. Great job