Queen Of Darkness hmmm. Well as I see it with this piece I think you got way too much going on as in ideas. I think if you just stayed with one this work would be a whole lot better. The series of statements left the reader thinking of just statements almost like rants. I think you need to find some way to draw your reader in to actually care about the emotions you are expressing just a thought Plot121 check out my work if you wish ....