Will I Lose My Dignity?

You held my hand as you pushed me over the edge,
Laughing in the misery of my demise, but as I climbed,
I looked into your eyes and saw a glimpse of fear in you,
A man that is still a boy, a child without a blanket.
The mere though of us sent chills up and down my spine,
Thinking of our hearts beating as one, bodies colliding --
But the lust in my head argued with the love in my heart,
Screaming cynical retorts into my pounding head.
And where the stars crashed into the ground, we layed;
Holding each other deep into the night, breath trembling;
In all actuality, a heartbreak was the easiest solution,
So you held me high on your ceramic smiles,
Building up for something that was never really there,
And the crash back down to reality may have been a mistake,
But it put some common sense back into my head.
The alcohol churns my stomach, as I wring out my heart;
Memories of you and I crash and break into the ground,
Going down to Hell with your guilty conscience.
And these lonely nights give me the time I always needed,
To sit under the clock and think of where I went wrong,
But your voice is climbing into my head,
Indoctrinating what little progress I may have made.
These four walls collapse further around me,
As the clock ticks away the time that I waste,
And your head swirls through my clouded agony,
Begging me to think it through, give it a second shot;
It`s funny, usually I could think up some pretty line,
That explained exactly the conditions I took you back on,
But the extent to which you have got inside of my head,
Allows me to ask just one pitiful rhetorical question.
Slurring through intoxicated breath, I look to the past,
And as I stumble further away from the truth,
I hold a suicidal fairy tale by the seams,
Whispering in it`s bittersweet pages:
Will I lose my dignity?

-Jenna Elphick
October 1, 2007