That was really good very well written your very talented i really enjoyed reading your poem

I enjoyed this write, but the flow was not very steady.

Delilah's dead
Her lover, too
Two coffins await
Both black and blue.

Delilah was cheating
Her love was the breadwinner
He came home one night
Revealed her a sinner

Just taking out or changing a word here or there would help with the flow. I like the story though.

I love the story being portrayed here, I especially like how you twisted it all around right at the end. I do really like that in a poem, something that keeps you guessing from start to finish.
Wonderful use of vocabulary, beautifully penned.
My only main concern is that it sounds a little forced at times. You could do with a bit of work on the flow, parts of it seem uncomfortable to read.

"Delilah was cheating
Her love was the breadwinner"

The second line here didn't sit right with me. A shuffle of the words would possibly inprove the flow of that stanza.

Overall i thought it was a great piece of work, brilliant imagery used throughout.

With the tiniest bit of modification would be amazing.

The twist alone deserves the [5/5].

Nice work.

~Pete

What a great piece. I loved the twist at the end and the contrast of the black and blue. I did find the rhyme seemed a bit forced at times and the breadwinner line was a bit odd. A little tweaking and this would be amazing!

Very good, i liked the rhyming such as occur and concurr and i never knew someone could use suburbia like that before. but anyways, great poem with good pacing and format

your servant:
atticus

"But no one would throw punches."
^^ I think it would sound better like:
But, no one threw punches.

Amazing poem, dark. I figured that though, when you said that's what you were looking for. [[There's nothing wrong with that, if it's how I made it sound, btw.]].

Overall, the poem was quite good. I actually am quite fond of it. The flow was flawless, along with the rhyme. The entire poem [[excluding that one line]] was amazing. I really, really like it.

Keep it up.

4/5