Everything ends with the E sounds except for the bleeds word. It was alright. Not a very common thing to do with the endings all sounding the same but you can do whatever. I'm not big on love poems though. I think they're boring. Most people just talking about the same old thing so it gets old really quick. I'd give this a 2 or a 3. You choose.

Nice it was good

OMG i cann soo relate to this poem wow really nice good job =)

I love it.
&& it was beautifully written.
&& flowz nicely too.
5/5.

Wow
i've nvr read a poem written in this style b4.
but this is real good <333

Nicely done. :-)
It flowed fairly well && the emotions were strong and clear.
The only thing I don't like is the way you capitialize [sp?] every word... it makes it hard to read.

Other than that, I think that you did fantastic job. Overall: 5.5

Thx for the comment on my poem. :O
-- Stephanie Lynn .+.

I love this poem! it's so beautiful! good job:)
5/5 thanx for commentin on mine 2!
xx love

This is good, but you could tighten up a bit.

The title caught my eye, yet it isn't mentioned anywhere in the poem...or not. It does sum up the theme of the poem. It's just that it's very strong - anyway, you may want to cut some words in the poem - just a suggestion. I realize "it" before some of the words is a very Brit thing to do, but it's unnecessary verbiage :-)

I Hate When You Gaze Right Into Me
Your Smile Vanishes Instantly
You Feel My Deep Uncertainty
But I Tell You I Love You, Carelessly

My Heart Screams So Frequently
But I Can't Hear What it tells
Tears Fall So Rapidly
When You Kiss My Lips So Lovingly

This Isn't How It Was Meant To Be
Me Loving Someone Else, So Desperately
And When You Say Those Words, My Heart bleeds
But I Hold You Tight, So Stupidly

Though you can't hold someone stupidly - The correct grammar would be "But stupid me, I hold you tightly.?

I Mean it's stupid that I hold them tight.

Its beautiful....it really is =)

God i know that feeling. a short poem that i believe we all can relate to, it's happened to the best of us, our minds tell us no but our hearts see on. good poem, i liked it, keep writing definitely

When you create a title...it doesn't have to be in the poem. In fact at times that just adds character...I think. :)

Very nice write! I enjoyed this piece because you portrayed the ways that he's trapped you.

The BIGGEST thing I could tell you is to not make your work look sloppy. It's a huge part to people who truly love writing. Don't capitalize all your words. Capitalize the first word in each sentence if you desire but the poem looks sloppy when you do every word.

I did enjoy this piece. Very nice write my friend!

I liked how you used the same sound of rhyme in each stanza, I thought it added for a powerful effect on the overall piece.

Try not to capitalize all your words though, I agree with Nat, it can be offputting.

Apart from that though, I really enjoyed this.

Aw. I have been there. What a treasure to read.

I really like this poem. It flowed nicely and had a good meaning to it. Great job. =]

Excellent poem. 5/5

This isn't how it was meant to be
Me loving someone else, so desperately
And when you say those words, my heart it bleeds
But I hold you tight, so stupidly..

^^^ my favorite stanza.
like being with someone your heart doesn't really ador
[ my most common mistake in my life. ]
-- just for the sake of being secured,
but when you already have the security you want,
here comes the dude you really love to be with.
we hope its not yet too late. :)

<33

I know the feeling. This poem is really good. It moves something in me. I find it so amazing how just some simple words stringed together one after another can bring out such deep feelings. Anyways, I really enjoyed this. Great work! =]
--Viola

p.s. Thanks for the comment on mine. :)

This is well written. I like this a whole lot. I can totally relate to this big time.

I liked this piece, a lot, and I mean A LOT! I didn’t think using the same rhyme throughout a poem could be so effective and powerful. I thought it was just be dull and monotonous, but you’ve made it exciting and wonderful. I can safely say, you’ve inspired me. I mean, I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but it’s true, you have. You’ve made me a believer. I must say, though, I can see your intention in that second from last line, that doesn’t rhyme, but I think it would’ve been better to continue the formula all the way through to the end. As I said though, all in all, and great poem!

Brad

P.S. Thank you for your comments on my piece 'When'. It's a personal favourite of mine.

I just read it again, and I still stand by my comment about the second to last line. I wanted to leave this comment, though, because when I commented before, I didn’t write about the flow and emotion of the piece. The flow was obviously very good, and simplistic. Each line rhyming with the line before and in such short, and tidy lines. I felt the piece was filled with genuine, powerful and heart-felt emotion. Even though the words themselves suggest differently, I think the character at the beginning is innocent and lacks strength, but by the end, they’re stronger, and hardened by this broken and straining love. This piece is going on ‘my favourites’. It’s great!

Brad