His Thoughts, Her Thoughts

by *Charisma*   Oct 3, 2007


Each stanza is the other's thoughts. So first stanza's him, second her, third him, fourth her.. and so on.

"You've got to be kidding me"
He thinks in his mind.
I'm near double her age
And she's a rare find.

"Why does he stare at me?
I thought we were friends.
But the looks he exchanges
Would make that all end."

"She's playing along too.
I know it's not right.
But for goodness sake
She's caught in my sight."

"I know this is so wrong
But it's my first time
Feeling so strongly
And it could be mine."

"She's reading my mind
I know that she knows.
I want it to happen
And see where it goes."

"What is he thinking?
I just can't go that far.
But I want him so much
We'll just walk to the car."

"It's the perfect time
To make a real move
But she's looking away.
Does she not want it too?"

"There's no justification.
What could be is wrong.
I won't be a toy
That he can lead along."

"I guess that was it.
Nothing more to say.
I"ll just try again
Some other time or day."

"He won't get his chance.
I'm leaving for good.
He's not what I wanted
I just misunderstood."

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I particularly liked the constant transition from her to him. i thought it added for a very powerful effect on the overall piece. the imagery portrayed was wonderfully done, it created very vivid pictures for me. i was a little thrown off by the "move" and "To" rhyme scheme. i thought it made the flow a little shaky. beautiful ending, very hard hitting and intense. overall, this is a beautiful write.

  • 17 years ago

    by debbylyn

    I like the way you've written this from the his/her perspective....flows nicely and has a good rhyme scheme.....take care, Debbie

  • 17 years ago

    by Pete

    Great write. I absolutely love the format of this piece, it just flows so brilliantly. Very unusual idea for a poem and makes it stand out from the crowd.
    I think most people have wished they could at one point in their lives wished they could see what was going on in someone elses mind.
    I'm normally the type of person that likes a poem to be short and leave things to the imagination. I would have loved to see this one take its time to get to the conclusion. That could just be because the format is so good.

    I want to say an extension would make this better, but it already an amazing piece.

    Great work.
    [5/5]

  • 17 years ago

    by Midnight Sun

    Wow, wow, wow, girl! This was absolutely fantastic. Something fresh and different. Not only for you but just the form was refreshing to see....not the same old same old. Amazing job girl...I'm proud of yah! :)
    ~Midnight Sun

  • 17 years ago

    by Melissa

    Wow! i loved it! great job well done =D

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