It hurts
so bad that
sometimes
I wan to scream
I want to cry
I want to hurt
myself.
But I can't
because
YOU
of all people
threaten me
with
therapy.
And I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't tell
you
much less a complete
stranger
who thinks they know
exactly
what goes on in
MY
head.
MINE,
not theirs,
mine,
not yours either.
Either way,
I can't.
And the fact
that hurting myself
is forbidden,
makes it that much more
appealing.
But that's not even what
hurts.
I can't tell you,
you won't
understand.
You'll keep asking
keep probing
for answers
that I
can't give.
And it hurts
so bad
that I can feel myself
breaking,
I can feel myself
tearing,
and it hurts.
Some days
I just want to give up.
And some days
I relish it,
some days
it's all I feel
and some days,
it's so bad that
I can't feel,
I go numb.
Those are the days
I freak out.
I know it
scares you
and
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to learn
how to
control it,
but some days
I can't
and
I'm sorry.
