Aching Chaos

I'm lost in a world of chaos,
confused feelings arise like air.
These situations are too intense,
why do I still care?

I feel my soul has been taken,
a dead life is what I live.
A saying of many as it goes,
is you get what you give.

The situations that occur to me,
are not anything I deserve.
They make me feel like dying,
I lose control of my nerves.

How I have come so far,
is a complete mystery to me.
But life is a surprise itself,
that does not come with a guarantee.

I wish I was not weak,
and could look fear in the face.
I wish I had that one by my side,
together our feelings we could embrace.

As old as I am,
and as much as I know.
I still need someone to turn to,
my mind has still yet to grow.

I'm separated by miles,
from the ones I love.
I'm in terrible need,
of the one up above.

I have no home at the time,
but I have my true friends.
I know in my heart,
they will be there until the end.

I've lost the love of my life,
it'll never be the same.
My heart aches constantly,
at the thought of his name.

So here I stand now,
only 19 and feeling like it's the end.
What am I suppose to do,
when I can no longer pretend?