My Life Once Lived

When I was sixteen I fell in love,
so many times, but one could grip my heart
for the rest of my life.

Years stopped and I lived in seconds time,
any way I died I would have still been happy,
any lie told about wouldn't change my mind,
I knew truths that were never told to me,
I at once figured out my life.

I could say I love you, and make it every
word that came off my tongue, fall asleep
after long periods of time, then stay awake even
longer, to keep alive the best part of my life.

I thought nothing else could have mattered,
a peace restored, and a pit filled,
but let me stop and give the dug in grave story,
that had been everyday, for I left a little of my body
under the sun, in top of the grass, in the shade of trees
and in front of many beings, and you by his picture,
speaking to him in our once lovers language, so lost
to me now and that's the time that once again
I was unknown to you.

Where am I living in the layers of your mind, how thick
is the love that is stuck in your heart, and don't you
just hate that you can't tell me any of these pains.

Now that my bruises have cleared, I know the extent
of a once endless pain, all the stories I have combined to
form this solution that makes me hate you just a little
more.

For yourself, and for your name,
once I would protect both until,
you broke me to keep your status high,
intact and without a mark of defect,
until now you've created it yourself,
and it's disappointing to see what you've
come to be, the waits over now I'm in disgust
for hoping, in disbelief of ever caring,
and my silence says why.

I'm going to keep shut until your ratings
go away, because I can stay alone, hold a
hand without fear, stay in my place, because
I know I can speak my wrongs.