I only have everyday to live with my guilt;
I should have been there,
should have seen it,
should have helped...
I should have done a lot of things.
Maybe this memory will be gone when I'm dead.
I won't have to forget
once there is no way for me to remember
how much I keep letting everyone down...
Its getting harder for me to breathe
and more painful to smile
knowing they should be here, too
knowing what I could have done
to save them from themselves
to save someone like me...
I understand that we all make mistakes.
The only difference is
my mistakes are eating me alive
and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
I don't want to wake up anymore,
open my eyes
to everything
to failure
to the world
this bitter world...
full of people too eager to hurt me--
they can't even realize
how much pain I'm already in
and how much I just want to let go.
