This poem is awesome its well written and shows great emotion i luv it :):)

5/5

Aww. that was a very sad poem! I loved the express of it though. The word choice and flow was beautiful. Overall...great job!

Omg this is by far one of the best poems I have ever red at least i think thats how u spell it.... I like the emotion put behind the words 5/5

Omg this is by far one of the best poems I have ever red at least i think thats how u spell it.... I like the emotion put behind the words 5/5

I work in a group home with kids with a history of domestic violence, so this is one I can relate to. I always encourage the kids I work with to write poetry, though they find it difficult. I imagine if they could, they'd write something like this.

Wow this is amazing, very sad and touching. I loved the imagery it was very detailed. The slow was smooth and the lines were full of meaning. Excellently done. Definite 5/5

That was very shockingly sad....a heartfelt poetic narrative that almost brought me to tears...I know not what else to say. flow and form were flawless...only correction needed is 1st stanza, 3rd line, to should be too.....5/5

Strong emotion, powerfully written. the flow was perfect, the word choice blew me away, and the story itself so sad. I pray your family survives. it is amazing how you told the story from the eyes of a child, this really drew me in. 5/5 no room for improvement

Okay, i already commented...but i wanna say again that it is awesome! omg, i love the emotion it was just so good

W O W
I can't think of anything else to say
5/5
:~)Sam Mayo

Absolutely breath taking. This is exactly what my cousin is going through, so I can imagine what you're feeling. You expressed the feeling very good. Great job. 5/5

<mOnStRiTo'S pRiNcEsS>

Wow that was an extremly sad poem:(....you did an amazing job writing it!! it's as though i could see what was going on throughtout the whole poem!! you did a beautiful job...definetly 5/5:)

That is so sad T_T and if there is anything I can do to help Ill be glad to ^^ 5/5

Very tragic, I hate when I see poems about people being abused, always makes me sad. I would suggest that you work on your vocabulary, used more... advanced use of words. I saw how many poems you have so I know your not a beginner, just some advice.

I like that you said;
"Pretty soon the very nice policemen had arrived"
"daddy got taken away with the nice policemen".

Not many people talk about the law-enforcement in a positive attitude. This was a big plus for me.

What I really loved about the poem was this.

"**This poem is dedicated to My aunt lori, my cousins Rilee josephine and lannon stay strong"

I love it when a poem is dedicated to someone else. Makes the reader feel sympathetic to them, and you for writing the poem.

Very good job, just work on grammar and vocabulary.

_[Deathly'Amore]

This poem is hard to comment, as it seems to be from the point of view of a child, most likely really young. It was written simple with plenty of run on sentences, but it worked in this case and for the point of view.

"Screaming and shouting echoed from the kitchen,
I tip-toed to the corner of the wall so I could listen,
Daddy was mad after way to many yucky beers,
but he says he hasn't drank for a couple of years."
^^^
[This isn't a bad beginning. It's not strong in certain ways, but in ways that it tells a story, it is. I really hate the "yucky beers" part, though. It makes it seem like you don't have much vocabulary. v.v.]

"Daddy yelled at mommy, and mommy began to cry,
I cocked my head to the side to try to find out why,
he talked about me and my brother and sister,
man if only I could run over and be with her."
^^^
[Again, this stanza is strong in some ways and not in others. It tells a story, and while there is a little bit of emotion, there's not a lot.]
"Last time I tried I just got hit with daddy's belt,
It was hard and it stung, I hate how that leather felt,
he always hits me when I'm being very bad,
like when I kiss him goodnight, it makes him very mad."
^^^
[Saddely, this is common, but it really shouldn't be. Abuse comes in all forms. My father used to be the same way.. Now I fight back.]
"Daddy then pointed his finger at mommy's face,
he called her the B word and said she was a disgrace,
I cried silent tears like I usually do when they fight,
it's hard to get a good night sleep when they do it at night."
^^^
[To me "all night" instead of "at night" would sound better, but that's only ear candy.
As for the paragraph, I know what it's like.]
"He grabbed a full beer bottle and swung it hard across her face,
My eyes became extremely wide, and my heart began to race,
I ran down the street to my Grandma Roses house,
it was dead at night so I was quite like a mouse."
^^^
[I like this stanza best of them all because it shows the most emotion. In poems that tell story it's hard to catch the reader sometimes, and this is where you started to catch me.]

This is a very sad poem. Abuse is something that should never happen, but often does. I'm sorry if this was something your aunt had to go through; no one should.

Though it lacked anyway... way to remember it, it had good flow and you still told the story. It's not perfect, but not all poetry has to be; sometimes, it's just best to get the pain out.

Nicely written.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5