You did wonderful with this poem. It felt so real and true. I could actually feel the pain you feel rishing through me.
5/5

That is a good poem i liked it it was sad. but good

What I liked about this piece was how it told a story. It expresses deep emotion and I think many people can relate to every word of what you have written. The emotion was the best bit about this poem. The poem was also a story. The emotion and the what happens next you get from the story is what made me want to keep reading though it was quite long. To improve your writing I think you should work more on the flow of the poem. Maybe using a strict rhyme scheme? Also I think you should add punctuation to your piece - because the way I read it is probably totally different to how you intend for me to read it. Keep writing.